How to limit your child’s smartphone use – and stick to it

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As part of our Top Schools 2024 special report on kids and mobile phones, we asked two experts for tips on how to control your child’s phone use. Here are four ways to take back control.

1. Remember who is in charge.

“We have to remember who the parents are here. If we turned this smartphone into a vodka bottle, would they have a problem saying no?” says Michael Rich, an adolescent medicine specialist at Boston Children’s Hospital. “This is not bad or mean behavior on the part of our parents. We owe our children a varied range of experiences that a phone can contribute to when used in a targeted and conscious way. But it should be introduced as a power tool, not a toy.”

2. Seize the device at key times.

If your child is scrolling so much that it precludes certain activities, like sleeping or dinner conversations, unplug. “The easiest thing to do is to take the phone away. Literally take it away at whatever time of the evening is appropriate for your family,” says child psychologist Ellen Braaten of Mass General, author of Smart kids who don’t care about anything: How to reawaken your child’s motivation.

3. Accept the boredom.

Sometimes parents worry that their children will complain that they are bored without their precious smartphone. But as Braaten says, boredom can also be a good thing. If your child is constantly on their phone, “they are not spending time doing other things, exercising their brain and developing their social skills. We have to accept boredom and tell our children, ‘Find something to do.’ The hardest thing is to let them find it,” Braaten says.

4. Admit your mistakes.

Maybe your teen is already glued to their smartphone and you regret the purchase. “It’s OK to say, ‘We messed up as parents. I really know what’s best for you because I’m the parent. I’m paying for the phone. I want you to build some of those downtimes into your life that you haven’t had before,'” Braaten says.

First published in the September 2024 print edition as part of our Top Schools 2024 package under the headline “How to say ‘no’ – and stick to it.”