I am a 101-year-old author – my 8 best lessons for a long, happy life

There is a completely false notion in our culture that life is over when you reach a certain age. But your golden years, like mine, can be the best years of your life.

My life has required a certain amount of courage. I was born in Cleveland, Ohio, in 1922, just after Prohibition began. My father, a bootlegger, got into a turf war with the Mafia and was killed in our driveway when I was just two years old.

I got married a month after my 19th birthday and moved straight from my mother’s house to my husband’s. Three children and 25 years later, I left that unhappy marriage and enjoyed being on my own two feet.

In my forties, I had my first experience of earning a living and being myself. I started writing for newspapers and later, after I remarried, I had the luxury of writing novels full-time.

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Today, as a 101-year-old living in Austin, I’m living the life I’m lucky to be living. I’m still doing things I love – like releasing my ninth book earlier this year, spending time with people I love, and reading. It’s a quieter life than when I was younger, but those years are good. I wish more people my age knew that.

Here are eight lessons I learned that have helped me live a long, happy life:

Some cultural ideas are good, but many are wrong. People give up on life far too early.

If your mind is focused on what culture teaches us – that we’re finished when we reach a certain age – then that affects our self-esteem. If our self-esteem is being alone, sad and useless at 70, 80, 90 or whatever, then we believe that. And that’s really dangerous.

People have gifts that they may not even know about and it can take a lifetime to discover them.

My friends are a wonderful source of wisdom, energy and authenticity.

I have some friends who are two and three generations younger. I’ve learned from them and I think they’ve learned from me. Every decade teaches us something new.

There is a huge difference between being 30 or 40 or 90 or 100 years old. And yet it can be great when we come together because we can teach each other a lot. It gives us a different perspective on things.

When I get together with my friends, we usually talk. Good conversations are stimulating.

It’s not the peaks that make us happy. It’s the little joys.

Our culture often tells us that you have to do a lot to be successful. You have to work hard. You want a lot of money. But that doesn’t work. I don’t even know if there is a peak, but there are small joys, and they can be dynamite.

We need to understand ourselves to be authentic and to find the little things that make us happy. For me, reading is one of them. Another is being with people who mean a lot to me – it could be family or friends. It’s a phone call, a visit, an idea, a shared concern.

Courage is probably the most important thing for me. It takes courage to see yourself clearly, to know yourself and to be authentic.

But it does give you energy, confidence, and an understanding of yourself and others. In the long run, I believe that authenticity – when you disagree, for example – strengthens even difficult relationships.

Being authentic isn’t easy. It takes some work to get to know yourself. But it’s worth it.

When I write, I feel different. I feel better. I feel happier, I feel more centered. I feel more confident. Other writers I know tell me they feel the same. There really is something magical about creative work. Of course, it’s not magic; it’s an expression of the human soul.

The joy you feel when doing something creative that you love is tied to parts of yourself that are not always available or conscious.

It’s about knowing yourself and being authentic. I do that through writing. For someone else it might be painting or dancing. Sometimes I come back and see something I’ve written and think, “That’s good.” That means it’s opened up my subconscious. That’s where the gems are.

I’ve been working out with a trainer twice a week for about seven years. I’m strong for a 101-year-old. I can lift 10-pound weights and get up from a chair with the weights in my hands. I’m so proud of that.

When I had pneumonia and was in the hospital, someone there told me that my exercise probably saved my life, so it’s not just a good idea – it’s essential.

At the same time, you need to get plenty of rest. The brain needs rest to regenerate.

Negative thinking is widespread and deadly.

Why are some people optimistic and others negative no matter what they say? I think we are born that way. We come into the world as optimists or as pessimists. Some people have such difficult times in their lives. If a pessimist asked, “Why me?” I would say, “Why not?”

It is very difficult to overcome negative thinking, but we should, wherever possible, acknowledge the positive and try to move on optimistically.

As I got older, I was often asked, “What’s your secret?” I don’t have a secret.

Everyone knows that longevity is true. We all know: exercise, good nutrition, a healthy personal relationship with a partner, an understanding of yourself, a career that is good for you – these are the keys to a happy life.

But there is a gap between what we know and what we do. The problem for many people is doing it. And that is more mysterious than I can explain.

This narrated interview has been edited.

Babette Hughes is a writer who recently published her ninth book: “Lessons about evil,” at the age of 101. She was born in Cleveland, Ohio, and grew up during the Prohibition and bootlegging era. Although she had previously published an autobiography, Lost and Found, she did not publish her first novel, The Hat, until 2015. She lives in Austin.

Staff Civil is an editor at CNBC Make It.

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