Jean Smart makes math sexy in SNL’s “Textbook Writer” sketch

As authors like EL James can attest, writing romance novels can make a lot of money – but what if one of them wandered into the least sexy genre imaginable? That’s the premise of Saturday Night Live‘s “Textbook Writer” sketch with host of the September 28 season 50 premiere, Jean Smart. In it, Smart plays the eponymous woman who meets with her publishers and, while having word problems, learns that they have an unforeseen word problem.

After an opening with new cast member Ashley Padilla, we meet author Barbara Berkman (Smart), who visits the Scholastic offices to meet the editors of her new book (played by Season 50 cast members Ego Nwodim, Kenan Thompson and Mikey Day).

“You know, when you asked me to do this, I said, ‘Is Barbara Berkman really coming out of retirement to write a math book when all she’s ever done is write romance novels?’ Smart said. “But I’m so glad I did it.”

But Berkman soon finds that her arithmetic is considered too hot for textbooks.

RELATED: Watch Jean Smart’s SNL Monologue & Every Sketch starting September 28th

SNL’s “Textbook Writer” sketch is full of (mathematical) problems

“May I ask you to read the text at the top of page 96?” Nwodim’s character asks the textbook author, who readily agrees.

“William has five apples and the body of a god,” she begins. “Clarissa watched in awe as he bit into the apple flesh and the sticky, sweet juice ran down his muscular neck and into the forbidden secret that lay beneath his sweat-stained undershirt. How many apples does William have now?”

Not seeing how her talent for romance has seeped into her textbook, Berkman continues to read the inappropriate material.

“Look, kids don’t like math. I made it cool! I even made the cover cool,” she says, revealing that the book is named Algebra Cove and the cover features a sensual woman on the beach.

The score only gets dirtier as Berkman’s editors try to steer it in a different direction—until the receptionist (Padilla) interrupts with some surprising news about the students’ test results.

“Good, good, good, good,” Smart’s character tells them. “Looks like the romance isn’t dead yet. And just wait for the sequel.”

Check out Textbook Writer Saturday Night Live Season 50 Episode 1 above and stream every season on Peacock anytime.

SNLThe Season 50 premiere kicked off with a cold open, welcoming back not only Maya Rudolph as Vice President Kamala Harris, but also comedian Jim Gaffigan as her running mate Tim Walz, Dana Carvey as President Joe Biden and Andy Samberg as Harris’ husband Doug Emhoff introduced. Check it out here.